Frustrations of "MY" way of thinking!

So why don't you understand what I'm talking about? Are you stupid? Simple?

I must come over like such an idiot sometimes, and rude and numerous other words not for press, but really I can't get my head around the fact some people don't understand my way of thinking, it seems to make sense to me. But this goes both ways, I have conversations with people and I just don't understand their way of thinking!

I'd like to consider myself fairly open minded, I enjoy documentaries, learning about new things, different ways of life but I'm still pretty head strong when I feel someone is talking crap, which seems to be most of the time, I don't consider myself a genius by any means, this can probably be shown in my grammar and my language skills when typing, maybe this is the reason for some of it. But I'm still not handicapped either, I'd even go as far to say as one of my strengths is that I have a decent amount of common sense which does seem to be lacking in the world today!

Its a bit of a spiral, I talk to someone, that person doesn't understand, I get frustrated, I moan about it to someone, they don't understand and so its begins again....and people wonder why I can be so grumpy and seem stressed!

This also goes with my sense of humour as not only am I dry and sarcastic I am also twisted and maybe even sadistic, I have this idea that when it comes to humour anything is game, why shouldn't it be, of course I try my best to be appropriate with it as in I'm not going to joke about abortion to a women who has just walked out of the clinic however I'm not saying I wouldn't joke about it with a pregnant friend. Some people are shocked by this but that's just it, I believe you can joke about obscene scenarios because it is obscene, you have to be stupid to think I'm being serious, I don't really keep a dead dog in my bed, just so I can have something to cuddle, exactly, so stupid how could it be true.

Maybe its the beard and glasses! Whats even more irritating is that because someone doesn't understand me they look at me as if I'm stupid, but what if that is the case, what if I don't understand the other person because I'm the idiot, I mean I have fallen out of a few trees in my time! But alas ignorance is bliss so I shall continue to think that mass amount of people have some kind of brain damage, maybe I am a genius and I'm due to discover/do something big with my life....then you'll be surprised but it will be too late.

Lets use an example, look at now world famous Karl Pilkington, people consider him an idiot, and find him hilarious because of this, but its not that he's stupid, he is a surprisingly clever, after all he is famous and has money now to show for that, its because people don't simply understand his way of thinking, therefore he is immediately considered an idiot by millions, and I join those people in the sense of I find it amusing but I perfectly understand his way of thinking, he just see's things as they are, the difference with myself and Karl is I believe I can see his way of things but I can also see the significance or beauty of something. 

I would hope to be more settled with the simple things in life but I do love the fact I get frustrated as it helps me learn as i want to understand more things, but I also do love to moan as well so I need to be a bit stupid I guess! Maybe its not the worst thing in the world, I guess its my own "ignorance is bliss" kind of state, and 'I'm right, you're wrong" but I like that I can be a bit stubborn, it means I can make other people as frustrated as myself!!


..........Next post will be about inventions that need to be invented!! well that is unless I have something else to moan about!

Self diagnosis and keeping a positive attitude!

An idol of mine

So as I've mentioned before i'm what i'd class as a realist not a pessimist a realist, but to some people I'm grumpy, I like to moan a lot about all sorts but I guess a lot of people do! Its hard to keep a positive attitude, all these people walking around with great jobs, that work hard attitude, going to the gym then the wine bar, cruising round in a nice car! I'm fully aware most of these people have worked hard for what they have but what if you work hard and never quite get the things you desire.

I've become a great believer in a couple of things in life, number one; I believe that every one has their problems in life and even though different in a larger perspective they can be just a serious to each person as to the other. Secondly is Karma, it must be true, not that it stops me from doing something bad or wrong, I just believe it comes back at me in some shape or form.

Troubled teen!

So to keep a positive outlook on life I find hard, by no means did I have a tragic child hood, I didn't get bullied (much), I always had some friends around me, not necessarily close ones but how many people did. For me I just felt like I never quite got the things I wanted and when I thought I had something would go wrong, and it still happens to this day. I have to say it did start to get to me at different points of my life whereby I thought this must be what depression is, I've never actually gone to an expert to be "diagnosed" as in the past I never thought that's what it could be, and I've been brought up by my parents to think if something goes wrong you have to get up and keep on moving forward. But still as the years have gone on that niggle has always been there, the thoughts constantly cross my mind of "whats wrong with me?" and "why can't I enjoy things?". 

This has always been harder in my opinion as I'm not the biggest social person, I'm not really fussed with drinking or clubbing, not that I don't drink just not that bothered either way, I used to go out more when I was a teenager but never loads. I find myself getting bored easily with those situations, plus whenever I decide to go out, there's that time in between organising the occasion and going where I convince myself i don't want to go out for all sorts of reasons, which then leads to getting down about it! I mean, what the hell is wrong with me, why wouldn't I want to go out and hang out with people. But then I feel so frustrated with myself for not going and I know its stupid but I keep doing it! 

I wonder if its some kind of issue with being accepted by people and being liked, or is it simply because its not what I want to be doing? Back in England I had just started to feel accepted where i was living, although I wasn't in my ideal job, I had just started to feel comfortable with the group of friends I was making, I enjoyed popping round and having brews and a good chat, and people seemed to love my moaning which is unusual. So why am I still frustrated?  

Enjoying the twining and the brews!

Working hard as ever!

Part of me questions coming to Canada even though its only for a year, I don't know, I love being here, the fact i can go snowboarding and without a doubt it is a beautiful but I left my home, my pets, my family and my (finally made) friends. But I had it in my head for so long I needed to get out of the UK that I needed to find somewhere i belong, so now I'm here I miss people like crazy, its stupid. and then the question returns..."why can't I be happy?"

But then I remember my upbringing, the things I've read and I remember about my friends. You have to keep stood up and you have to keep moving forward. And as intimidating as the thought of depression is you can fix it yourself, its hard and you take stumbles but its remembering the things that do make you happy are still there. For example when I see a picture on facebook of a friend or a family member, that makes me remember what will be waiting back at home for me, and when I'm on the mountain flying along on my board looking at my surroundings and remembering why I am here!

Keep those reminders close!

Its this constant reminder of why we work hard and what we want that keeps that positive attitude, yes we may get knocked back or things go wrong, but you do have to keep moving forward but as you do move forward, remember to just look around at the smaller things, simple things....it surprising how many things you can spot in one room that reminds you of a happy thought.

And sometimes all that little special thing happens that can change everything, for example today I just found out that my best friends have just booked tickets to come and see me in Canada and to be here for my 30th birthday, wow, to know I have friends that are willing to do that, to spend that much of their own hard earned money is amazing, and I will try my best to make sure they have a great time. I'm sure I'll still moan about stuff but fortunately enough is that's something they love about me!

Couldn't ask for better friends!

Pashtunwali - Keep on Fighting for life!

So i just sat and watched Lone Survivor with the wonderful Mark Wahlberg, based on a true story! which of course somewhere in there i'm sure there's an even worse turn of events that happened but obviously we have to make it right for the screen.

Though I'm usual one to laugh at such over the top unrealistic shenanigans such as the expendables and such, there seems to be something about army films that captures my interest, maybe its the endless hours I spent blowing people away on Call of Duty but I do get drawn in, I've always had great respect for the armed forces, I think a lot of people always get drawn into the negative aspect of war, which is understandable. But although we do not agree with all the decisions made by office clerks, the fact these people are willing to risk there lives so I can continue to discover myself in peace is amazing.

The real soldiers of Operation Red Wings!

Anyway to keep it a bit more light hearted and to the point, after being shot, broken and thrown off several cliffs, the one part of the film I loved the most was the Afghan people still helping and showing a part of themselves which I believe is in most of us to fight for. A small description of Pashtunwali an ancient Afghan code of conduct appeared at the end of the film, simple and precise, describing how the tribe must protect an individual against his attacking enemies at all costs. 

This is a lesson we can learn, I'm not talking about picking up guns and blowing people away but more taking a lesson in sticking up for each other no matter where or who or what you might class a person, surely it is just simple human nature to take care of each other. 

Even hardcore front men of metal bands who portray a particular personality have one rule for the mass crowd in front of them "if someone falls down...Pick them up!!"

Rob Flynn of Machinehead

It makes sense really, if someones down pick them up, make sure their okay and then carry on.

Anyway I enjoyed the film and even took something away from it. Simple review, if you like over the top masculine mayhem then its a good ego pumping film with some perfectly inappropriately timed brotherhood style love, but when else are you gonna share a bromance apart from when you have bullets entering your body!!

A suitably apt song to go with the mood!! 

Inspiration needed!

So I'm sat here once again thinking .... it's always dangerous I know but it needs to be done no and again. So I'm thinking the same thing as usual "what can I do with my myself?" and "where am I going?".

As my 30th birthday looms closer and my return to my homeland is in sight I need to start thinking about what job I will aim for when I get back, some people find this path easy, some people are well down that road but alas I have no idea, and so I'm sat watching crap on the t.v and looking at the internet I decide to have a go at a careers test, I start and it tends to be your common personality test, I've taken a few of these before but you never remember the results of take them to heart. Any way I hate those tests because when its multiple choice and they say answer truthfully, its bollocks because there's what you want to answer and then what you think would be a good answer hmmm anyway on I continue, I'm not pessimistic just realistic I think, that where people mistake me being grumpy but that's ok.

So i get the results and not completely unexpected basically describing me as nuts: Extraverted, iNuitive, Feeling, Judging

ENFJ - Pedagogue

ENFJ's are outstanding group leaders. They try hard to help others be the best that they can be. 5% of the total population.The ENFJ's optimistic outlook toward social relationships is a burden to them at times. When external conflicts affect a group, the ENFJ is likely to assume responsibility. Their ability to empathize then turns into a liability. ENFJ's, when over-identifying with the pain of others, will loose sight of their own concerns and interests. Their idealism can also be the cause of some distress when their assumptions are unable to weather the winds of reality. Fantasized relationships rarely translate into reality and even the best charismatic leader encounters unexpected resistance. Like all NFs, ENFJ's will disassociate themselves from stressful situations in an effort to protect their sense of well-being and togetherness. The ENFJ, however, will repress the unpleasant side of life only to have to face it later in an intensified form when it explodes from its hiding place. It can manifest itself as fits of anger, sudden outbursts, or emotional explosions. Often the ENFJ's body will reflect pent-up stress by manifesting various physical symptoms that will erupt unexpectedly.

and then of course the list of possible jobs to follow:

entertainer
recruiter
artist
newscaster
writer/journalist
recreation director
librarian
facilitator
politician
psychologist
housing director
career counselor
sales trainer
travel agent
program designer
corporate/team trainer
child welfare worker
social worker (elderly...services)
interpreter/translator
occupational therapist
executive: small business
alcohol/drug counselor
sales manager

talk about diverse, and people wonder why I moan about stuff, apparently I'm suited to be an entertainer but also a librarian, how does that work?Though I remain to be enthusiastic (although I will take too much to heart and explode later) and take some of these ideas on board, of course I know every person is different but there must be a reason these tests were designed and I also understand how complicated life and the brain can be.

A picture from the Island of Mull (Scotland) I must return.

So where to next? well I took one of the ideas on board and decided to write this blog, nothing to exciting and I know so many people do it but its nice to try and get some thoughts down on "paper"?  but a start is a start as they say and I'll even attach one of my many photo's just from a pleasant appearance.