Self diagnosis and keeping a positive attitude!

An idol of mine

So as I've mentioned before i'm what i'd class as a realist not a pessimist a realist, but to some people I'm grumpy, I like to moan a lot about all sorts but I guess a lot of people do! Its hard to keep a positive attitude, all these people walking around with great jobs, that work hard attitude, going to the gym then the wine bar, cruising round in a nice car! I'm fully aware most of these people have worked hard for what they have but what if you work hard and never quite get the things you desire.

I've become a great believer in a couple of things in life, number one; I believe that every one has their problems in life and even though different in a larger perspective they can be just a serious to each person as to the other. Secondly is Karma, it must be true, not that it stops me from doing something bad or wrong, I just believe it comes back at me in some shape or form.

Troubled teen!

So to keep a positive outlook on life I find hard, by no means did I have a tragic child hood, I didn't get bullied (much), I always had some friends around me, not necessarily close ones but how many people did. For me I just felt like I never quite got the things I wanted and when I thought I had something would go wrong, and it still happens to this day. I have to say it did start to get to me at different points of my life whereby I thought this must be what depression is, I've never actually gone to an expert to be "diagnosed" as in the past I never thought that's what it could be, and I've been brought up by my parents to think if something goes wrong you have to get up and keep on moving forward. But still as the years have gone on that niggle has always been there, the thoughts constantly cross my mind of "whats wrong with me?" and "why can't I enjoy things?". 

This has always been harder in my opinion as I'm not the biggest social person, I'm not really fussed with drinking or clubbing, not that I don't drink just not that bothered either way, I used to go out more when I was a teenager but never loads. I find myself getting bored easily with those situations, plus whenever I decide to go out, there's that time in between organising the occasion and going where I convince myself i don't want to go out for all sorts of reasons, which then leads to getting down about it! I mean, what the hell is wrong with me, why wouldn't I want to go out and hang out with people. But then I feel so frustrated with myself for not going and I know its stupid but I keep doing it! 

I wonder if its some kind of issue with being accepted by people and being liked, or is it simply because its not what I want to be doing? Back in England I had just started to feel accepted where i was living, although I wasn't in my ideal job, I had just started to feel comfortable with the group of friends I was making, I enjoyed popping round and having brews and a good chat, and people seemed to love my moaning which is unusual. So why am I still frustrated?  

Enjoying the twining and the brews!

Working hard as ever!

Part of me questions coming to Canada even though its only for a year, I don't know, I love being here, the fact i can go snowboarding and without a doubt it is a beautiful but I left my home, my pets, my family and my (finally made) friends. But I had it in my head for so long I needed to get out of the UK that I needed to find somewhere i belong, so now I'm here I miss people like crazy, its stupid. and then the question returns..."why can't I be happy?"

But then I remember my upbringing, the things I've read and I remember about my friends. You have to keep stood up and you have to keep moving forward. And as intimidating as the thought of depression is you can fix it yourself, its hard and you take stumbles but its remembering the things that do make you happy are still there. For example when I see a picture on facebook of a friend or a family member, that makes me remember what will be waiting back at home for me, and when I'm on the mountain flying along on my board looking at my surroundings and remembering why I am here!

Keep those reminders close!

Its this constant reminder of why we work hard and what we want that keeps that positive attitude, yes we may get knocked back or things go wrong, but you do have to keep moving forward but as you do move forward, remember to just look around at the smaller things, simple things....it surprising how many things you can spot in one room that reminds you of a happy thought.

And sometimes all that little special thing happens that can change everything, for example today I just found out that my best friends have just booked tickets to come and see me in Canada and to be here for my 30th birthday, wow, to know I have friends that are willing to do that, to spend that much of their own hard earned money is amazing, and I will try my best to make sure they have a great time. I'm sure I'll still moan about stuff but fortunately enough is that's something they love about me!

Couldn't ask for better friends!